what's going on with my life?

This week has been one long and crazy rollercoaster ride. Last weekend all of the Stanford students in Kyoto for the weekend on a trip that was sponsored by the Bings, we like them. Visiting the peace park and the atomic bomb museum/memorial was pretty tough on me, I am usually pretty emotionally strong and it takes a lot to get me to react, but the museum this time was enough to get me to shed a few tears. When I think about how far removed from the incident that put an end to WWII for Japan and America, I am awed by the power that the memories of past victims have on myself and others living in this relatively peaceful world. I resonate most strongly with the experiences that transcend cultural, ethnic and historical contexts-- stories that can reach me most deeply, whether sad ones or happy ones, are experiences that can happen to just about everyone. When I stepped in front of the large mural on the wall displaying a picture of a pocket watch, with the hands on the exact time when the bomb was dropped; there was a poem written on the mural that described the experience of the devastating blast from the bomb by telling the story of a little girl that had a dragonfly in her hand that became red from the blast and as she was about to touch it... it basically trails off there leaving the reader to picture the rest.

After that we went to Miyajima island, which was a short ferry ride off from the main island of Honshuu, it was a nice touristy island with deer roaming wild and a large shrine that looks like it is floating in the water when the tide is in. The trip was fun, it would have been better if it hadn't rained.

This week went by incredibly fast; I spent most of the week planning and thinking about how I was going to shoot my film. Everyone in my film club had already begun shooting and I had yet to even start.. It continues to amaze me how challenging it is to make a film come together. I used to think that writing the story was the hardest part, but in the end that turned out to be the easiest. Then I thought converting the movie from text to visual storyboards was tough, but it turned out to be easier than I thought. So far the hardest part about making this movie come together has been the logistical planning. I remember my roomate from this year saying something about how hard it is to excute on an idea and that when it comes to start ups execution is almost the entire battle, well when it comes to independent films, at least with my limited experience that seems to be the case. Yesterday was my big 6 hour shoot, from 11am to 5pm, the day was supposed to rain but by God's grace it turned out to be clear skies and quite warm. I was able to shoot most of the film yesterday by shooting scene after scene in rapid succession. I put quite a deal of work into the planning but in the end I relied on the storyboard in my head more than the one I wrote down, I guess the process of storyboarding helped the visuals sink into my head better than if I had not drawn out all the sketches of the scenes I wanted. The actual excecution was incredibly tiring because at about 1pm five people from my film club came to assist me; in the end it ended up being me, my main actor (Danny) and a support guy (Hieu), and six more film club members (Akira, Hem, Funaki, Mana, Imai and Motoki) I was giving directions in English and Japanese and supplementing them with the universally understood high speed hand gestures; I'm sure I must've looked pretty strange in the train station with my camera and tripod yelling out directions in Japanese and English and flailing my hands as if I were performing some martial arts, but in the heat of the moment I could only think about one thing: finishing my movie. The experience was pretty awesome to say the least I will try and put up some pictures that Danny, my main actor, took with his camera. I'm not sure how everything came out, but I'll know when I start editing.

As for other news about me, I recently decided that I will be going to study abroad in Berlin during Winter quarter next year. The choice was between Berlin or Oxford and in the end I decided to go with Berlin because the experience sounded more exciting to me; I really enjoy foreign enviornments and learning foreign languages so it's right up my alley. Though I don't speak a word of German so it'll be challenging for sure. I'll be in Japan until September and then from September to December I will be in Beijing, China through Stanford's program there and from January to about the end of March I will be in Berlin. It sounds pretty crazy when I write it all out.

I find myself constantly trying to find time in my day to do all the things that I want to do. I don't know if that's normal, but it seems that it has been that way every since I started college. Even in Japan I find myself making incoherent priority lists to try to order my often chaotic schedule. I wonder if that will ever go away... or maybe that's just the way I am hmm ;0)

The land of the rising sun

I am now into my first month in the land of the rising sun. I think I've finally found a comfortable pace here, but the sad thing is that I have only a month and a half left here. I now realize that to truly experience living in a foreign country, you have to live there without having a specified return date. I realize no matter how much I work at getting the most of my experience here right now, the bottom line is I'm leaving in a few months and due to the circumstances of being a student that needs to graduate, I couldn't stay even if I wanted to. Everytime I meet a new person I usually get the same three questions: Where are you from? When did you arrive here? and Where are you leaving? It's the last question that most directly impacts how the relationship initially develops. After moving from place to place so often, I think I've gotten used to meeting new people, developing relationships and then leaving; it's almost a fact of life for me as strange as that may seem.

Being in Japan this time has really given me the time to see some different angles to life that I've either never noticed before, or didn't have the time to deal with. For instance, recently I was chatting with my host mother about whether it is rare or unusual for a Japanese student to be ambitious the Japanese word that she used was 志（kokorozashi) which is similar in meaning to ambition, but with only the positive connotation. In her opinion, every stage of life in Japan, be it the college years, post college years, 30s, 40s,50s etc. has a goal that can be associated with it. For example, during high school, the ultimate goal that people with kokorozashi work towards is getting into a good college; in this sense Japan is very much like America. Another example she offered was the middle aged salary man (aka. company worker) working towards being promoted to department head. I originally asked her the question referring more to students with a desire or passion to change the world, but I guess that much was lost in translation. Our conversation ended with her offering up her opinion on the situation of women in Japan. In her opinion, most Japanese women don't have this kokorozashi, simply because it is nonsensical in a culture that, one way or another, forces women down a singular path towards motherhood and housewifedom(I don't think that's a real word, but whatever I'm in Japan) I was sad to hear her honest assessment of the state of Japanese women in the 21st Century, but I don't think I've lost hope yet. However, I am still quite surprised by the difference between women in America and women in Japan; of course my opinion is a generalization, perhaps an over-generalization, but from what I've experienced and heard, girls are brought up to not expect a happinness greater than that of marrying well and living a comfortable, happy family life. While this in of itself is a tremendous blessing to have, thinking about the truth of this reality makes me somewhat dissapointed and sad. Perhaps being the type of person raised to chase after pipe dreams and clouds in the sky (thanks dad!) has made my perspective on the "good life" a bit skewed in favor of a passion filled pursuit of nothing less than one's own pie in the sky. I know that at twenty-one, I cannot fathom or understand the happinness and joy that my host parents receive from living a comfortable family life. Perhaps that is something I will come to understand better during my stay here.

Well that's enough of my rambling... As for an update on my state of affairs: classes are good, food is good, play-time is good, sleeping could use some work, film project is well underway, finished writing my script and translating into Japanese, now I just need to finish casting the roles and start shooting next week. Wish me luck!

Tomorrow all the SCTI kids will be heading to Hiroshima thanks, once again, to Mrs. Bing. It will undoubtedly be something to remember, and surely something to write about.

Until next time...

Japan Revisited

This is my third time in Japan. Well technically my fourth, but the first time doesn't really count. I hate writing blogs, I'm not sure if it's because I am lazy or because I hate forcing myself to do something regularly, I like spontaniety and spur of the moment kind of stuff. But my sister tells me I should keep up my blog, and since I respect her opinion, I'm gonna do my best to keep this going.

So about Japan... The people are nice, the food is great aside from the lack of quantity--you don't quite get as much bang for your buck (or yen), but it's still a pleasant place to visit or live. I've been in Kyoto for three weeks now and I feel pretty settled in. I've joined a Cinema Circle, the equivalent of the film society back at Stanford, and I am on my way to making my first movie in Japan. My top two goals in Japan right now is learning as much Japanese as possible and making sure I complete this movie; the third goal is to meet and make as many friends/contacts/acquaintances as possible. Everything else after that is for fun.

Friday I started my first class at Kyoto University; Ben, a fellow SCTI student and friend, and I are auditing this film theory class at Kyoto University(Kyoudai). We walked into the class on time, but the teacher wasn't there. Our Japanese teacher Yamaoka sensei told us to make sure we introduce ourselves to him before class using proper "polite" Japanese. Well since the teacher came in like ten minutes late, we didn' t have a chance to do so until afterwards. The class itself was tough to follow, I got most of what the professor was saying, but ocassionaly there were these bursts of explanation where he would spew out a ton of vocabularly I never learned. My notes were part English, part Kanji, part Hiragana, and some drawings thrown in there. The class itself was fairly interesting, but I was surprised by how many Kyoudai students were dozing off and checking their cell phones. From my first impression, there seems to be a huge difference between a top tier school in America and one in Japan.

After class I had my second meeting with the Kyoudai Cinema Club. 京大シネマ研サークル The leader is my age, I think I'm actually older than him, which makes me the superior due to my seniority, unfortuantely I'm not Japanese so I can't really cash in on that fact. The circle is quite large, about 50 people or so. Yesterday's meeting was to kick off the 200 second film project. All the newcomers that wanted to direct raised their hand and one by one each of us gave a little introduction explaining our plans for our movie. Somehow I managed to communicate what I wanted to make, and what I needed in terms of support; speaking off the top of your head in a foreign language is tough, but the same rules apply as with your native tongue--speak with confidence and project. I think it turned out pretty well. Afterwards all the staff, basically everyone who wasn't making a movie this time, divided themselves among the newcomers. My support team consists of a freshman from a nearby arts college, a second year agriculture major, and the club leader. After exchanging contact information we went out to get some grub.

I had a hambaagu which is different from a hambagaa, the difference being that the former is a Japanese concotion similar to a meatball. Ground beef mixed in with onions and other kinds of special seasonings and goodies; it actually tastes really good. The latter is like the kind you would get at McDonald's.

I got home at around ten thirty and by that time my host mom was the only person still awake. Apparently my father had to go to Nara to take care of some top secret union organization activities. We chatted about the lunch that I had that day, the really expensive one brought to us by the kind generosity of a Mrs. Helen Bing. The meal was very tasty and completely vegetarian, but it lacked a certain kick to it--actually most Japanese food lacks that special kick to it that makes you feel hungry. My host mom hopes that her son Jo can go to Stanford. Then she went off on how special my sisters and I are since we are all attending or have attended pretty good schools. I didn't think much of it because most people I grew up with ended up in similar situations; but now that I think about it, she's right, I should consider myself super lucky. I hope my parents can reap some happinness in having their kids go to great schools, I never feel like I do enough for my parents, especially my mom, so that realization helped my conscience a little bit.

Anyhow I blabbed on long enough. I gotta get cracking on this film script, got a week to churn it out. Wish me luck.

Crap! I am the Prodigal Son

When I ponder the multitudes of life's questions and paradoxes, I always chuckle to myself when faced with the irony of my own short-sightedness. The power of the human spirit, our transcendental ability of self-reflection, while being a characteristic unique to us, it nevertheless remains a perennial example of our imperfection. Empowering as it is to have the capacity to stand outside temporality, be it surveying history, or making predictions about the future, the human mind runs the risk of losing track of its own limitations and thus falls into the grave sin of hubris.
In my own life, I’ve often stood at the vestibule of past and future, contemplating the “what ifs” of the past that seem relevant to the future, trying my very hardest to not repeat history’s mistakes. But despite my best efforts, inevitably, I fail. It is in the realization of my failure in this area that the relevance of the Prodigal Son parable has come to my attention. Though I’ve always understood this parable to be significant, its meaning has always stood at an arms distance away; the emphasis placed on the jubilation of the father upon the return of the son rather than on the son’s delinquency. Perhaps it is a case of the over-anxious reader seeking the final denouement, the “happy ending,” rather than seeing that what leads to the climax is the crucial starting point；but whatever the case may be, I’ve always enjoyed the celebrated return of the son, rather than the truth of his ineptitude and failure.
“I am the prodigal son,” these words shock me into paralysis; the full weight of its truth causes bitter rage and animosity, disrupting the delicate fibers of my soul. Success is good; it makes me smile. Failure sucks; it triggers the gag reflex. Being the prodigal son carries with it the sting of failure. But whom have I failed? Myself? No, my instincts tell me otherwise. The Prodigal Son, in the parable, is a failure not to himself, but to his father. “I am the prodigal son, I have failed my father,” reciting this brings back flashbacks of countless Asian American stereotypes that I’ve spent my whole life pushing away. My father’s exact words were, “I am so disappointed… I feel like I’ve wasted my time with you.” In the parable, it seems as if the son has the fortune of facing failure without confronting any acerbic remarks from a disappointed parent; but unfortunately, my case is more like the “Guilt Tripped Prodigal Son.” I wonder if the son felt remorse for letting down his father; I know I sure do. But the point at which I must relinquish the parable’s jurisdiction in my situation is the very same point at which I choose to focus on following what Coelho calls, “The Personal Legend.” You see, I am the Prodigal Son because I’ve swindled my father’s time, dashed his hopes and stomped on what my mother called, “his greatest joy in life.” As seemingly over-dramatic as this painted image appears, such is the drama that plays itself out in my head. A father living his dream through the son feels the pain of failure in hearing his son’s unwillingness to live his dream. It is a pain once removed and twice felt; having one’s own dreams dashed is one thing, but to find hope again in another, only to have it dashed as well is a pain that few can bear.
The guilt of the son tears his innards apart; how can he left his father down? But the existential calling, the beckoning of one’s Personal Legend, is equally powerful, if not more so. It is not easy to live the life of the Prodigal Son especially when plagued with a guilty conscience, but then again life is short and one has to seize the chance for happiness if it presents itself.

Reflections on Blogging

Reflecting on the past eight weeks of PWR 2, I've come to the conclusion that blogging isn't altogether a horrible thing. My first reaction when I found out that we had to blog was one of great irritation. I've always thought of blogging as a very crude form of writing, child-like even. I no longer feel that way, because I've seen that blogs can be used not simply as online-diaries, but also as credible sources of information. I was definitely shocked to find that there are reporters that use the blog as a means of communicating up-to-date information on world events. I find it fascinating that people actually find blogs to be secure and credible enough to take seriously some of the information that gets passed along. As for personal use, I've found that blogs can actually be enjoyable to keep up; one can write with substance and style. I'm not quite sure how I feel about the use of blogging in academia, but my gut feeling tells me that it can't be an altogether horrible thing, because we used it in the class and it did not have a noticeable negative influence. The one concern that I have is that the blog might not be taken seriously because it has for many, the connotation of an online diary. A collaborative blog sounds interesting, but how different would it be then an online forum? That I'm not so sure about.

PWR 2 Reponse Article War Games

After reading the article on War Games, I was thoroughly disturbed by what I just realized--that is that games like "America's Army" are actually created for the purpose of increasing enlistment in the US Army. Originally I just thought it was a game created by war-savvy individuals endorsed by the Army, but to have the main motivation behind a video game to be for increasing the ranks of the Army's enlistment is frightening. The comment about what happens in the Middle East ends up showing in the Kuma War game a week later, is a testament to the absurdity of this War Game phenomenon. Personally I've always felt that games aren't a bad form of entertainment, provided that the player understands that the game is after all, simply that, a game. Even more violent FPS(First Person Shooters) and fighting games I believe are not altogether bad, they're simply geared for more adult audiences. But to liken these types of War Games to Electronic forms of Journalism is to make a severe categorical mistake. Journalism informs, that is its purpose, despite what medium is used; games, however are meant to entertain. To say that a medium that is primarily used for entertainment, can alternatively be used for the spread of information is either very naiive or very presumptuous.

Brainstorming MidQuarter Presentation

Invention - I think what I am going to try to do to try to incorporate some originality into my presentation is to do some acting out of certain scenarios. Since my research topic is now more focused on the influence of technology on social networks, I think it might be interesting to do some small skits illustrating typical users of online social networks.

Arrangement - I'm going to try to keep the structure as simple as possible. I want most of the focus to be on the illustrations that I am presenting rather than just explaining everything to the class.

Style - I'll probably go for a more semi-formal style that's more like a low-key educational presentation.

Memory - I'll know my stuff.

Delivery - As for delivery I don't forsee the need for any multimedia aid, maybe a picture or two, but I would like to practice presenting without relying or being aided by PowerPoint.

Brainstorming MidQuarter Presentation

Invention - I think what I am going to try to do to try to incorporate some originality into my presentation is to do some acting out of certain scenarios. Since my research topic is now more focused on the influence of technology on social networks, I think it might be interesting to do some small skits illustrating typical users of online social networks.

Arrangement - I'm going to try to keep the structure as simple as possible. I want most of the focus to be on the illustrations that I am presenting rather than just explaining everything to the class.

Style - I'll probably go for a more semi-formal style that's more like a low-key educational presentation.

Memory - I'll know my stuff.

Deliver

TimeLine

I'm not as on top of my schedule as I would like to be. Recently I just decided on changing my topic to another more interesting topic and I think I have to some more digging to find more material for my new topic. I should have time to do catch up this week since I don't have anything due towards the end of the week.

PWR 2 (Response Article)

In the article Does PowerPoint make us stupid?, the question is raised as to whether or not, the medium of PowerPoint is dumbing down our culture. The article begins with the account of David Byrne a famous vocalist, composer and photographer who is said to have turned the use of PowerPoint into an art form. Byrne compiled and published a book in which he argues that PowerPoint has brought the end of reason. This book has stirred a serious debate with regard to the use and value of PowerPoint. Visual Artists seem to believe that PowerPoint serves as a "dumbing" function serving only capture and lull people into believing anything that's put on display. Their claim is that ideas are lost to pointlessness through the use of gratuitous use of PowerPoint. It seems that most of the arguments made in the article are of the sort that associate the use of PowerPoint to the use of a gun. Just like it is not the gun that kills, it is the person that is using the gun that kills, the same goes for PowerPoint. The responsibility of the presentation is on behalf of the user; PowerPoint in and of itself is simply a medium of communication that allows the user to present his or her ideas in a way that best suits what they hope to communicate. My personal take on it is that PowerPoint can be useful if used appropriately; to put it quite simply, the responsibility lies soley on the user.

Week of April 11th (Presentation Reflections)

I thought that this week's presentations were very solid and engaging for the most part. I thought that the use of Power Point was very helpful. In addition I was very surprised by the varieties of presentation styles, some more formal and structured, while others were more engaging and dialogue-like. It was also fascinating to see how everyone used different types of introductions and conclusions in their presentations. I think the time we spent in class practicing different types of introductions was useful bcause it gave us practice for this week's presentations. Overall I very much enjoyed this week's presentations, and I'm looking forward to see the entire class improve in our ability to present and deliver.

Blog Post (Oral Presentation Reflection)

For my presentation this week my goal is to be able to communicate in three minutes the importance of my research topic. Though three minutes is short, I believe the gist of my argument can be communicated to the class. My intention is to start out the presentation with some picture that would most likely be familiar to the class. The picture will probably contain someone using their cell-phone. Or perhaps I will have a slideshow of images, perhaps five to ten, showing various technologies that I would say most modern Americans "rely" on. From there I will propose the question to the class by asking how many students own cell phones. I will follow this question up with how many students own laptop computers. The purpose of asking these questions is to illustrate the prevalence of these technologies for people our age. The body of my presentation will be setting up the main points that I will attempt to explore more deeply in my research. I think the Lunsford reading was helpful in that it reminded me of the importance of stating my purpose, remembering my audience, and adhereing to a structure in my presentation. I will provide a quote from an article that I found on the topic of the "intrustion of technology" into our daily lives. Finally I will end my presentation by explaining how I got interested in this subject and pose the question: How many of you can remember what life was like prior to cell-phones and the Internet?

Question

Question to the class: How many times a day do you check your email?
Communicate via cell-phones?
How much of your important information is stored digitally?

Presentation Brainstorm (Post 4) PWR 2

For my presentation next week, I will most likely use some powerpoint slides as a means of structuring my presentation. As an introduction I will this idea of "enslavement via technology" by presenting a picture of someone I would consider to be a typical modern day technologically dependent individual. From there I will raise the question to the class as to what they think this picture is trying to convey. My introduction to the topic will cover:

1. My own exposure to the topic, how I got interested in this problem.
2. Why I think it is important.
3. What my stance is on it.

The body of my presentation will tackle some of my initial questions while researching this topic:
1. How have youth reacted to the infusion of digital technology into mainstream culture?
2. How have adults reacted?
3. In what specific areas have the use of certain technologies completely changed the way we do things?

Post 3 (PWR 2)

I find Dibbell's position to be a difficult one to determine in this piece. While coming from the stance of a traditional pen and paper writer, Dibbell seems to be more confused and disoriented as to the meaning of the term "writer," which he believed he had come to understand over the years, rather than trying to drive home the point that "true" writing is the craft that he practiced as a youth. I believe that in a subversive way he is trying to do the latter, but it seems that he doesn't want to take a definitive stand on this point; probably because he realizes the reality is much more complicated than that.

Post 2 (PWR 2 )

For this project, I think I would like to do research comparing the digital pop culture world in Japan and the digital pop culture world in America. Having studied Japanese for a number of years, I've come to find a great number of similarities between modern Japan and modern America. In particular I'm specifically interested in studying how the mainstream Japanese pop culture, is affected by the technology and digital media that is gaining greater exposure by the day. I suspect that comparatively, the influence of digital media and such technology is far more prevalent in Japan than in America, but I could be wrong.

http://www.ppp.am/ppp_e_gijiroku_2002_10.html
(interesting page from JAPA ( Japan as Popculture Assoc)

For my second possible topic, I would be interested in studying the progress of information technology and how that has in the last decade began to influence changes in language, culture and ways of thinking. I find it fascinating that information "design" is quickly becoming a very important and very valuable area of research. I don't know much about information technology but I will do some more research.

http://designforum.aiga.org/content.cfm?Alias=df_informationdesign
(some articles on info design)

I think as of now, I am leading more towards doing research on information design primarily because I know less about the subject, and I would like to find out more.

My first Blog Post (PWR 2 E-Rhetoric)

Hello blog, or do you have a name? I find this to be a very strange medium, the blog, and I'm not quite sure what to write about. I always found the blog to be a little pretentious--I mean you are writing so that the rest of the world can see how you're feeling, what you're doing, or what you're currently thinking about. But I do see the value of blogging for the sake of keeping friends and family up to date with what is going on in your life; but in a way it seems that if you get too used to it, eventually you end up detached from the rest of the world. For some reason, I find the blog to be an intrusion of my privacy. I feel more forced to write in a certain way, and to reveal certain things about myself through this blog. Another question I have: What's with this "blog" word anyways, and it's even more questionable gerund form "blogging." I understand that the word originated from the word "weblog" and I find that to be a little less irritating than the this wannabe chic word "blog." Well back to the point, I never got into blogs because I got sick of watching my sister get so engrossed in "blogging" that it seemed to consume her life. It’s bad enough that you start pouring out your life and posting them for all to see, but once you get into blogging apparently you also develop simultaneously the habit of reading the blog’s of everyone you know! Perhaps it’s a personality thing, but I like to communicate one on one with people, through hand-written letters, e-mails, phone-calls or the old fashioned in-your-face chat. I will try to suspend judgment regarding the use of blogs for the purposes of this class, because I do see the value and perhaps the need for this communication media. Perhaps I will learn and gain something from this experience of being forced to communicate through this media. Perhaps I will grow to appreciate the "blog," and choose to integrate it in my daily life. Who knows?

Kevin ~out