Back on campus

So I am back at Stanford, hurray!! That's probably how everyone expects me to respond, but the truth is, it's not all that amazing being back. I think having spent the last year abroad, experiencing the multifaceted and truly fascinating multi-cultural world has made it really difficult for me to enjoy being at Stanford. I love seeing my friends again, but it seems that I've already left Stanford a long time ago and the "good times" that I am enjoying are merely remnants of the past. Not fitting in college must be a really lonely feeling; I feel like I can relate this quarter. People need to feel like they belong to something or someone in order to feel like they have meaning and value in this world. I believe there are very few people in this world that can really be alone and not be bothered by it; it would certainly take a really strong strong will in order to fight that creeping feeling of despair.

I think my experiences in life have made me a very sensitive person; or perhaps I've always been a very sensitive person and the experiences have just made my senses even more acute. Well whatever the reason may be, I think I understand what outsiders must feel like. I feel like one myself most of the time. Feeling like the outsider is an awful feeling, it is enough to push someone to take their own life. And yet what I find really interesting is that once they find a place of belonging, people that were once outsiders, become so engrossed in their in group that they end up being the same as the people that used to exclude them. It probably isn't intentional in the sense of being a deliberate and calculated act, but it nevertheless happens. I think it is simply a weakness of being human.

Anyhow, back to the subject. Being back at Stanford is a funky feeling. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm coming back at the end of the year when everyone has already fallen into their routines; that's probably what is making the feeling of being out of place even stronger. Oh well I'm going to do my best to try and enjoy my last few weeks of college.